Remembering my Nevaeh

Today, October 15th, is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. This day offers a day of remembrance, dedication and acknowledgment for parents, families and friends who have suffered the loss of an infant or pregnancy loss. While this is a tough topic for me to write about as I myself have lost a child, I just want to take a moment to recognize all those who have suffered an infant loss as well, at whatever stage. To all the families out there, please take this day to remember your baby(ies) however YOU need to and not how anyone else think you should. You may even want to take this day to just disconnect. We all deal and cope with grief differently. There are no words that I can think of to lighten this topic, my heart goes out to each and every one of you. I AM one of you. Stand strong, talk to someone if you need to. Seek support in your local areas. Most importantly, take care of you as you remember your angel(s) today. My only ask is that you join me in honoring all the beautiful babies that have gone from us to soon by lighting a candle 7PM your time zone.

To my Nevaeh: Mommy remembers and acknowledge you every day baby. However; I will use THIS day to acknowledge you to the world! The day you came into this world changed my life forever. Words will never fully express how I felt that day I became your mom. I think about you every day. I imagine how you would look today. I go to my happy place and talk to you. Im excited to go to sleep at night just so I can see you in my dreams. The day you left this world was the most devastating day in my life to date. While I’ve been able to breathe again after loosing you, I will never be the same. But I promised you that Mommy would forever honor you, that I would make sure your presence was known in this world. I’m honored to be your mommy. Im blessed God chose me as the vessel to get you here, even if it was only for 12 days. I don’t know why you had to leave so soon and I will never understand it. But I will continue the rest of my life trying to be the best mom I can be to your brother and sister and keeping your memory alive forever in our hearts.

Image source: unknown

Mommy and Daddy love you forever and always. Here’s to you Nevaeh!! Catch you later tonight in my dreams baby.

5 things you need to know as a mom

I’ve conversed with many mothers in my day and I have come to realize we all have something in common. We’re all doing the best we can!! Some of us are doing it alone (single moms) some of us are doing it with a spouse/partner, and some of us may even have the support of family/friends. Either way, the common theme always seem to be, we’re doing the best we can by our kids.

Some days I feel like I’m an epic fail as a mother and other days I feel like, hey, you kept them alive and happy, job well done. Very rarely do I feel like I have this mom thing figured out and if by some fluke I do get cocky in feeling like I know what I’m doing, my babies are there to quickly bring me back to reality. But while I’m not sure or even confident in myself most time, I’m very confident in my God. Lamentations 3:22-23 “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. 23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

What I’ve come to realize is I will forever be in the school of hard knocks as a mom. I’m always learning and growing as a mommy. One of the most important things I’ve learned along the way is that I HAVE to encourage myself!!! The Bible tells us that life and death are in the power of the tongue. Proverbs 18:21. So here are a few things I think we should remind ourselves as mothers:

1. You’re the best mom your child(ren) will ever have.

Despite how you may feel at times, there isn’t another woman that could be a better mom to YOUR child(ren). I once heard a therapist explain it this way. Regardless of the disfunction that may take place in a home, a child is connected to and relies on the parent that is present in their life. This is proven when child services attempts to remove a child from the home. That child would much rather live in disfunction with their parent vs be without them. That said, you may not be proud of every choice you make, but know, your child(ren) would prefer your mess ups over someone else’s clean up.

2. Don’t identify yourself by your mistakes.

We all make mistakes, that’s how we learn and grow. We are not define by our mistakes we’re defined by our God. Our Heavenly Father gives us our identity. Genesis 1:27 tells us God made us in His image. He made no mistakes!!

3. As a mom, you are an influencer

In today’s world, the word “influencer”means you have a huge platform with thousands or millions of followers. However; as a mom with or without a platform, you have a follower. In fact, the most important follower you could ever have is your child(ren). They are the FIRST to follow you and trust everything you say. So take your job as an influencer important!

4. YOU were purposely chosen to be your child’s mother.

You have everything you need inside you to raise your child(ren). An Oak Tree doesn’t start as a tree, it starts as a seed. The seed comes with everything it needs to become a strong Oak Tree one day. It goes through different phases and seasons throughout its life cycle. But at the end of the day, that seed is created with what it needs in order to become that tree. We are those seeds, God created us with everything we will need throughout this life to be exactly who we are, and one part of us is being a mom. Be confident that you have all that you need!

5. Self care is a necessity not a luxury.

A happy and healthy you is a happy and healthy mommy. Understand, self care shouldn’t feel like another chore to add to the list. Self-care in my book, is self preservation. That may mean the dishes don’t get done tonight because I’m tired and that’s ok. Or I may need to phone a friend for help. Or it may just be me saying no to something or someone and not feeling guilty about it!

At the end of the day, we’re all doing our best and your best is all you should expect from yourself. Know that your best may look different day to day, but if it’s the best you got, then hey, that’s a win!!!

Isaiah 25:1
1 Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done wonderful things, things planned long ago

Proud mommy moment

Hey there…

I just had a proud moment and wanted to share. My baby recently had a birthday (just turned 7) and he’s been practicing tieing his shoe. I make it my business to let my baby know he can do whatever he put his mind. He has to keep practicing whatever he’s trying to do and not give up. I’ve taught him that, just bc it’s hard doesn’t mean he can’t do it, it just means he has to practice harder. These things have been said to my son for years. Anything from dressing himself to brushing his teeth. I never thought much of it, just wanted to teach him to be confident in himself and teach him that he could do it. As usual, he was practicing again today and looked up at me and said “Mommy, I’m just not gonna give up, Stephens don’t quit, right?” At that moment, all I could do is cry and give my baby a high five.

I have to believe I’m not the only mommy that’s sat and thought, am I a good mom? Am I getting through to my child? Am I on the right, track with this parent thing? And while I may screw up, my boy showed me tonight that he hears my heart and that’s all I could ask for.

A Segmented Epiphany

That moment when your 10 year old tells you… “Mom, thanks for being a good parent!  Most parents get their kids what they want, just to buy their attention and blow them off. You don’t do that. You don’t get me what I want, but I always love what you get me. Thank you!”

That was my recent Facebook Post.  I sit back and truly have to take in that moment, and am just “awed” at God.  I don’t know that I have the words to truly convey the convicting truth behind that cliché like thought that my son (as we are also) is one of God’s children, and I just my sons’ keeper. Often as a front we say “Praise God” or “Thank you Jesus” out of habit. I speak it in this instance especially, out of a revelation of a segmented epiphany.

Through this journey I had many a times when I felt like I had no room to complain or feel the “WEIGHT” of being a single mom, because unlike many other’s my son does have an “Active” father in his life,  and we “Co-parent” our son.  Never the less the weight was felt, it’s real, was there lingering, and denying it didn’t make matters any better.  Raising your child fearful of the Lord, polite, academically successful, providing, nurturing, disciplining, maintaining a household, ensuring they are healthy and fit, working, extra-curricular activities, working towards making them a “well rounded” person, and the list can go on… Well it does go on actually.  I am able to endure and juggle and multi-task, and be strengthened by the pressure. However, there comes that point, that season be it a day, a week, a month, or longer where “THE WEIGHT” begins to weigh in on me.

That weight has often turned into this all-consuming attitude. Getting short towards his father, towards my son at times, actually more times than I think I care to admit. Worries and concerns that normally wouldn’t be there now are EVERYWHERE, and then, oh then… there comes that heaviness of being “single.”  That lie that being single is a bad thing, that it’s a struggle…that it’s this unfortunate stage of life tries to creep in.  Nostalgia, and reminiscent emotions of the last relationship try to join up to liven that party, and it’s SO EASY to get swallowed up in that…. BUT GOD! Epiphany Segment #1.

See without God…. No, that’s not it. God has and is ALWAYS there. So, it’s better stated, without His Word in my spirit, His Truth in my mind, I have absolutely experienced the above spiral fast into a messy abyss!  So now, let’s take the Word and Truth out of the picture and just leave GOD there.  HE KEPT ME! Even when I wasn’t so faithful, or obedient, or even aware, HE KEPT ME! When I turned my back on Him, HE KEPT ME…  He still kept watch. He still spoke and didn’t hold back his words or his loving actions just because I decided to act a fool.

Without God truly watching over His child (My son), boy would he have been one LOST and rebellious kid! I was lost, rebellious, disconnected, and if our children are any reflection on who we are,  or well of who I was, and am… then wooo wee, would they have very little going for them!  So I say “PRAISE GOD” because HE molded and made this boy, who now at 10 tells me, what took me well into my 30’s to even grasp!

I recall after my son finished his first sentence “Thanks for being a good parent”, I responded with “Thanks, where did this come from?”  He said “Nowhere”, after he elaborated, I came back with the same question by asking, “Did one of your friends feel this way about their parents?”  He said “No… I was just sitting here, and felt like telling you that… Nothing happened or anything.”  Could God actually be using my son to talk to me?  Epiphany Segment #2.

See for me it’s one thing to understand with my brain and intelligence, and it’s a whole different moment when I EXPERIENCE it.  Sure the word says that the Lord can use the mouth of babes. Sure we all say that God can use anyone and anything, because we believe it, BUT have we experienced it?

This was God saying “THANK YOU DAUGHTER!”  This was God saying that which we find in Isiah 41:10

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

This, most of all was saying this is how you don’t feel “The Weight” my daughter. This is how you are to be “Submitting-IN–Gods– LEadership” This is what it feels and looks like to see your life unfold, and not force. This is how not to worry, or be concerned about the corrupt world your son is living in. This is how I am your “Man” your “partner” your “Best Friend.”

Most of all… that feeling of belonging, that I sought for so long from men, friends, friends family, etc. That feeling and security … now penetrate a sense of affirmation that feels so solid from simply hearing “Well done my beloved faithful servant!”

I have my moments where I wonder, if I am growing any roots, and making progress in this life of surrender. This evolution will be completed when my purpose is fulfilled. The segments of this epiphany will continue to unfold. Until then I hope this small testimony and story allows you to truly cast your cares on the Most High, and know that every “I Love you” you hear from the mouths of your babes, is God using them to tell you how much HE loves you and is pleased with you!

~MJ